Sunday, March 30, 2008

Lizards spook me off

I confess. Thats is one thing that scares the SHIT out of me. Lizards.
Undoubtedly, they are the dirtiest, most ugly, hideous and disgusting things god wasted some precious time on creating. The serve absolutely no purpose on this planet, and thus, have no reason to exist. But they do, which is one among the many serious incongruities of life.

They are sick, and spook the shit out of me. Today, I came back from Tekdi with Rahul and Pranav, and decided on making some nice egg poach and toast. Add some cheese and lemon juice, and I have a treat for dinner. But as soon as I enter the house and lay down the food items, I see a large grown up lizard on the wall close to the door. Tha fact that it was close to the door gave me some heart, hoping that I might drive it out. But nay, as I keep trying, out emerges another lizard from behind the sofa. In the meanwhile, I had armed myself with a broom. And then to cap it all, the two start mating right there on the wall, and make me look like a fool screaming obsenities, waving a broom and trying to 'shooo' them off the wall. Damn them lizards!

I tehn proceeded to give them a liberal spray of 'HIT'. That broke up the vulgar orgy and 1 lizard took flight, to my utter horror, into the bedroom. It's still in there somewhere, I dare not find out. The other damn thing went and hid inside the main switchboard in the hall, where the buttons and the fan regulator is. I said to hell with this shit. I went into the kitchen and prepared my dinner, but it had lost all taste. As i kept looking at the regulator, the damn thing would pop out, raise my heartbeat about 10 notches up, and again disappear into the regulator.

As I was about to decide to ignore it, I hear a strange 'plop'. The f%$#@$# thing has fallen to the floor!!! Eeeeeeooowwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!
But no, I decide to confront my fears.. a la batman. Broom in hand and Hit in the other, I stalk the damn thing and roast it in Hit spray. Luckily I managed to get the door open in time as the lizard came out of hiding from under the sofa. Again I burst the Hit directing it towards the door. The lizard, flustered by the poison, made a dash through the open door.

Ahh!!! What a relief. Though i cannot forget that there is another f%$#ing one inside, and the pervasive smell of 'Hit' won't let me forget, I feel a sense of relief. Yet, I still keep turning fearfully at the wall... Hoping there are no more lizards. Damn them again!!!

3 comments:

Shruti said...

Eoouu eoouu eoouu!!
eoouu eoouu eoouu!!
eoouu eoouu eoouu!!

Mister you have got some nerve posting disgusting stories about lizards!!!I can't stand even a description, let alone a live lizard!
I scream and jump and shout and bring the entire house down, till someone comes and rescues me or rescues the lizard, as my rescuers would probably say!

Thankfully, I haven't seen any house lizard here yet...But to make up for that loss, we are graced with bed-bugs and load-full of rats!! :D

matter of belonging said...

I completely agree with you....... Lizards are the most dirtiest creepy crawly creatures on this planet............ they scare the shit out of me too....... you are not the only one:).........

R.E.M (The Ramblings of an Eccentric Mind) said...

Hahahaha... I feel you Bro!
Lizards are positively revolting and I have had serious escapades with them... (of course excluding any Animal Planet amorous action that you were subjected to)