'De Dhakka' is a rip off too!!!

Not sure who, but someone advised me to watch the marathi movie 'De Dhakka'.

And, well, I did take the risk of watching it.

And 30 mins into the movie I had a feeling its ripped off from 'Little Miss Sunshine'. And watdyaknow, I was right!!!

Loose ends

Just saw this movie - "Vickie Cristina Barcelona".

Beautiful, albeit... ummm... slightly weird, movie this.

But I have noticed that I get this odd uneasy feeling, an uncommon feeling of haplessness when I see movies like VCB or read books like "English, August"... storylines that talk about the hollowness of many of our lives's pursuits... of the continous search with no end in sight... loose ends...

Wonder why... not sure...

Mee ShivajiRaje Bhosle Boltoy

Saw a Marathi movie after a long time today. "Mee ShivakiRaje Bhosle Boltoy".

Rather expected storyline. A hen-pecked and insulted maharashtrian, well, a 'maharashtriy', as the movie prefers to call 'em, one day gets fed up of all the insults and being treated like a dog in his own backyard.

The insults are rather exaggerated, the acting slightly over-the-top and the plots rather idealistic. But, what the heck, anything is better than "Tasveer",  now isn't it!

The movie revolves around the protagonist D.M.Bhosle. The man is a middle class bank clerk who gets nagged (and often overly insulted) by just about everyone. He is the stereotypical 'asmita haravlela' (one who has lost his identity) marathi manoos. To add to the hassles of daily life, is an unscrupulous builder, and his (rather long) array of yes-men. Here, I felt the insults were too exaggerated. Nowhere does the fish seller insult a buyer aloud regularly. And neither does a movie director tun away a girl after selecting her for her merit, just because she is a 'bhosle', a marathi, who supposedly can't carry off western clothes and has a vernacular tinge to her English. Nevertheless, as expected, one day he just can't take it anymore. He loses it!

Enter Chattrapati Shivaji Maharaj! Now this was a welcome change from the usual pathetic story lines dished out in marathi cinema. The Maharaj and his aide themselves appear in front of the protagonist Bhosle and guide him with the tonic of marathi 'bana'. Bhosle gathers his whiny act together, and decides to brave it out. Believe himself that he is part of the problem, and then try to fix it. Not just for himself and his family, but for the marathi manoos in general. To see how he does it, go watch the movie.

Some things here that really struck a cord, and some others that well, just fell flat.

Bhosle explains to the Maharaj that today's Mumbai is dominated by outsiders. The Sindhis andMarwaris control the business, the south indians control the food and restaurant businesses and the north indians have converted the civil services into their fiefdom due to rampant nepotism. The part where Shivaji explains to a distraught Bhosle, that the cause of this situation is the marathi manoos himself, really struck a cord. The crowd was literally 'pin-drop' silent. "Who stopped you from doing the same, Bhosle?" astutely questions the Maharaj off the protagonist. Who stopped you from doing business, from running hotels, and from entering the civil services. Not the sindhis and marwaris, not the udipis and not the bhaiyyas. Its our own inability, our own incompetance maybe, that has lead to this situation. "'Amchya shakha kuthe hi nahit' (we have no other branches) he mhanyat ucchata manoon kasa chalel?", he adds.

Though, I would accuse the movie of containing some stereotypes. The north indian taxi driver and the muslim tailor who are tenants in Bhosle's large bunglow. There is a part where Bhosle magnanimously makes sure that their interests are taken care of. He had explained how they too were as much 'maharashtiy' as him. Since they were born and brought up here, and their children study here in a vernacular medium school. Well, I just thought it was a ploy to distance the movie from the MNS's anti-bhaiyya taxi drivers plank. And, it worked too, to some extent. The typical 'Usman Parkar' bhai wasn't too convincing, at times even comical.

The movie also suffers from some over-zealous action stunts towards the end. That and the story in the latter part gave a feeling that the director just somehow lost his way, and wasn't sure what next to do.

Nevertheless, credit must be given for some excellent cinematography. My biggest complaint about recent marathi films has been the abysmal cinematography. The usual fare is too trashy to even merit a look, but even some great recent movies like 'Shwaas', have some very poor filming. See it and you can see the film quality change over scenes! But this one is a cut above them all in this respect. Excellent shots, a beautifully choreographed 'shahir' sequence, some crisp editing of Shivaji Maharaj's horse riding scenes that could so easily have overwhelmed the movie, and excellent film quality.

Personally, I thought the plot was.... ummm... well... can't really describe it. I'm sure though, that I wouldn't call it a good storyline. It definitely had a tinge of Munnabhai, but only up to the idea of a man visualising a famous historic personality. 

But there are some real lessons to be picked from the movie; at least worth the one watch.

Ram Gopal Verma ki 'Aaaarrggghhhhh'

So in the momentum gained due to the regained net connection, I will write on...

So, what about it?

Well, against logic and rational reasoning, I hired a CD of RGV's 'Aaag'. And saw it. And, like the rest, pulled my hair, ranted, cursed and eventually smiled at it's absolute inanity.

'Aaaargghhh', as is well known, is a rip of an even better known Ramesh Sippy ke Sholay.

Well, we've seen a load of remakes, but this time around, RGV takes copying to the next level. 'Aaarggh' is a dialogue -to- dialogue paraphrase of Sholay. ("Holi kab hai, kab hai Holi, kab... kab??" becomes "Divali kab hai, hain??, kab hai Divali"..... eeeeewwwwwww)

The characters are agains paraphrased from Sholay (but expected). The armless Thakur (immortalised by the incalculable gags on his disability on MTV) is not Inspector Narsimaha, fingerless, with a bad accent.

The wily duo of Jay and Veero transform into a dumbass Raj (that name only suits SRK), who is neither subtly sauve or overtly powerful like the original, and Veero is now Hero (ineptly played by veteran actor of yesteryears - Ajay Devgan). Veeru was playfully flirtatious, but Hero is downright cheap and vulgar. His attire, looks and body language make him look like a roadside pimp... he manages to stare at the wrong places at his lady love Ghungroo (I'll come to her in due course), and also manages a semi pornographic love song with her... Ugggghhhhhhhhh.

Now come the ladies... Ghungroo. Attempted version of the bubbly and extremely talkative Basanti... This one's a rickshaw driver. She is the sole earning member of the family, drives ricketty rickshaw that emits sounds more pleasing than her dialogue delivery. She is clothed in... well she isn't clothed much... in rather ridiculous clothes. I've not seen too many faminine rick drivers, and definitely none as irritating as her.

Durga Devi, Devi for short, in the 'choti bahu' of the Narsimha household. Sushmita Sen does badly. Poor acting, no poise... pathetic.

And lo and behold, here comes the ultimate villian bollywood ever saw... Babban... oops, were we expecting Gabbar???? Daku Babban, who resides in the metropolis, extorts money from builders, terrorises the town of Kaliganj (It's supposed to be a coastal fishing village, yet it manages to have builders who build tall buildings from whom a goon can extort money!!????), yet is wearing rags akin to what that poor model was wearing in the papers the other day. Poor Babban has a gang of utterly lazy and rather educated looking goons who do nothing but stare on... and on... and laugh... and some more staring... some morose staring... well, thats it. In fact, the only person who does anything in the goon-gang is Tambe, the reincarnation of 'Sambha'... This has a flaw though... because the origninal Sambha was an absolutely lethargic moron who sat atop an inaccessible hillock, doing nothing all day other than smoking pot, training his gunsights on unsuspecting victims of his boss... and of course, keeping track of the real-time updates on the amount of money on Gabbar's head.

And i guess that's about it. Oh wait... surprise surprise!!! But hold on... Not much of a surprise really... I mean, nowadays it's the era of 'Where father, there son', now ain't it??????
Remember the creepy nomad who comes to sell Gabbar weapons, and whose moll is Helen gyrating to 'Mehbooba oye Mehbooba'... well, in this rehash, its the usual suspect for cameos and special appeareances... And the award for best actor in a cameo special appearance goes to.... "Abhiskek Bachhan"!!!! Pheeewww.....


All in all.... Its one long saga of besura songs, an absolutely rehashed (read stolen) music score, bad actors, worse acting(without exception!), even worse direction, and a screenplay that is soooooo boring.... that I did not even see the end. Just switched it off. Just makes you go 'Aaaarrggghhhhh..........'

Crass-h

Saw a movie after a looong time... and it was my misfortune that it happened to be 'Cash'. That, well, is a new Hindi movie...

Well, the title says it all... It's not about Cash, it's simply Crass!!!

Never have I seen such a phenomenal waste of money on inconsequential beautification of 90mm of celluloid.

It all starts of with a garish song sequence, with the 5 actors I expected to be on screen... Za-'yeda' Khan, Rit-shit Deshmukh, 'Sham'-ita Shitty and the veteran actor Ajay Have-gun. And proceeds to a plane with Za-yeda being the only passenger in the business class with the human quesstionnaire Ayesha Takia (what is she doing here???). Then starts The Story, of, very predictably, a diamond heist. Za-yeda Khan goes on to explain (again, why go through that trouble???) how The Veteran lives differant identities. During the day he is a poetic husband to Sham-ita Shitty. Btw, Miss Sham is an explosive cop in Cape Town. It seems the CT PD are allowed to wear skimpy tops and tight pants to office (It's the heat I presume, its Africa afterall!). At night, he is a high profile thief (funny he never seems to actually do anything, yet lives in a posh condo and drives a Ford Mustang, and his cop wife doesnt suspect shit, Great!!!)

Then there is the part where a mystery lady Bujha-Diya Mirza walks in, as lacklustre as an extinguished lamp. For some unexplained reason, she has been asking The Veteran to recite the same old Santa-Banta joke every time she meets him (??????). She is The Moll, to The Villian - Suniel super-Shitty(now now, he was out slimming, wasn't he?). The Villian has a terrifically enticing accent when he speaks Shakespear's tongue, so much so that his own uncle (and the Uncle is Swedish - ???) can't understand squat of what is being said. A murderous misunderstanding ensues.

After The Main Boneheads are introduced, a song is used to unveil the star att-crap-tion...Esha Deol! Over the past few years, as she developed a flatter tummy, she has started getting an allergy for clothes that cover her tummy. The director obliged and she doesnt get to wear much in the movie (lucky Esha, at last, the flat tummy and other such womanly assets can be shown). But my oh my, we can only admire at the awesome built. Her pics must be put up in all gyms alongside Arnold and the other hideously musceled men. Her biceps are as big as, say, Bret 'Hitman' Hart of old. And her shoulders are what men strive to achieve even after years of hardcore gymming.

Well, then there is something explained about who Za-yeda Khan and Rit-shit Deshmukh actually are. And then something happens which I really did not understand. All I registered is a bizarre series of French Bank robberies, police chasing Esha Deol, The Villian trying to clear the misunderstanding (again in the weird accent which does not help), some unneccessarily expensive stunts, and when the money fell short, some goofy animationin place.

And suddenly, we come to the end. To cut it short (basically I did not understand anything else), The Villian double crosses the rest and kills The Moll. So the remaining renegades hunt him using an F-1 car, a 500cc Bike and 2 road sledges (that speed on curvy roads like they had turn control????????). And The Veteran, eventually shoots The Villian.

What I took back:
1. How do bollywood directors spend big money on only action stunt scenes, in a movie with no story, no script, no scope for performance and no semblance of a plot???
2. The reason Bujha-Diya Mirza keeps wanting to hear the joke is that The Veteran is sooo bad with dialogue delivery, that till the end, NO ONE in the theatre understood what was the last line of the joke.
3. What does Esha Deol have to do to prove she is a WOMAN????????????
4. Don't ever, I always remind myself, DONT EVER watch such garish movies again.

Shootout... what a load of juvenile crap!

Obviously, this is gonna be scathing.

I confess, I don't know what made me do this, but I saw "Shootout at Lokhandwala" on a saturday night. I agree I could've made better use of this rare free saturday evening in Pune.

2 words, the movie 'is shit'.

And now more words to follow.

Purportedly, its based on 'True Rumors', whatever that's supposed to mean???!!! So it starts of as a tale of 5 goons (and trust me, they are nothing more than that, they are NOT Indian robin hoods), and 3 cops out to gun 'em. Simple.

The entire portrayal is atrociuos. ATS head Khan begins by descibing how he recruited the squad. Why? I don't know. Abhishek Bacchan gets killed trying to nab a sikh seperatist terrorist. So the ATS gets created. wow! And then he goes about recruiting down-and-out non-believer cops and other 'rugged' fellas for his baby, the ATS. Am I impressed! Then they go on to tell us about how ruthless and trigger happy the Dolas gang is, and why they should be damn well killed.

Eventually, Amitabh Bacchan (he has to be there in every film nowadays), gets tired (like the audience) of all the inane explanations provided by the cops, and FINALLY asks them to cut the chase and get to the end.

It turns out that the 5 most wanted killers are zeroed in on by the cops. Khan says it was an informer, but other references claim it was the dubai don himself who screwed his lieutenant here by giving the cops his hideout. Like that matter much? So the dumb cops suround the building, and... open fire (based on true rumors, isn't it?). ???????? hello??????

Then an absolute war ensues, and the goons are mercilessly gunned down. Encounter!

What irked me the most was:
1. The fact that Maya Dolas finds it surprising that his boss in dubai screwed him, especially after the fact that he himself went after the Boss' man in mumbai. How dumb can he be?

2. In typical Bollywood style, all the goons call up their near and dear ones from a phone in the house, and confess to their mistakes. In one scene, this goon says, 'Yeh sala mamu lok (cops) humlog ka encounter karne ke liya aayela hai'. Dude, what were you expecting???
That they come there and arrest you? Handcuff you, take you to court, feed you on the taxpayer's money, and then one-day let you out on bail? Atleast, he cant expect that!!! And it's exactly such bullshit movies that glorify and gangster's life and make the police appear like immoral murderers. They show the lamentations of the dead dolas's mother, but not of the family of the builder these rascals killed.

Basically, its an uncooked story, that tastes as bad at the beginning, as in the end. Watchin "... Metro" after this made 'Metro' look like an Oscar winner...