Tandem writing at its best!

This is one of the most hilarious stories I've EVER come across. I almost died laughing over this one... I got this some 4-5 years back, most probably over e-mail; so much so, that I can't even remember who sent it. Its a tandem writing exercise i.e. one person writes a paragraph, while the next one is written by another person.

THE STORY:

(first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The

chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now

reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he

liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind

off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about

him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of

the question.

(second paragraph by Gary)

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of   the attack squadron

now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about

than the  neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with

whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. " A.S. Harris to

Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar

orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could

sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a

hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him

flying out of his seat and across the  cockpit.

(Rebecca)

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt

one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who

had ever  had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its

pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4.

"Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,"

Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously

excited her and bored her. She stared out the  window, dreaming of her

youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no

newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of

innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one

lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

(Gary)

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands

of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of

its  lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed

the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the   congress had

left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were

determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage

of the treaty the  Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying

enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop

them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion

missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his

top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the

coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized

poor, stupid Laurie.

(Rebecca)

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My

writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

(Gary)

Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose

attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I

have  chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F--KING TEA???

Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many

Danielle Steele novels!"

(Rebecca)

Asshole.

(Gary)

Bitch

(Rebecca)

F__K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!

(Gary)

Go drink some tea - whore.

(TEACHER)

*A+ - I really liked this one.*