Took part in a Parliamentary Debate organized by the debating society today.
Can't believe its been more than 3 years since the last time I participated in a debate. I had forgotten my own voice!
I lost today. Qualified for the final round, but me and my team-mate came third among three. All three were separated my 1 point each, so it was one really closely fought contest. Worst part is, didn't win any cash :-(
Nevertheless, the best part was that I enjoyed it! I had given up debating after my team's loss in the Fr. CRCE memorial annual debate in my final year in engineering in 2005.
Felt great to be back in that debating atmosphere. Somewhere over the years, I had lost that edge. I don't know why... maybe out of fear, maybe out of shame of losing, maybe out of embarrassment or maybe out of sheer laziness, I had entirely stopped debating, and consequently, was completely out of touch with current affairs and issues. Well, now I'm back!
Monday, January 26, 2009
The Bhimbetka excursion
Just got back from a 2 day trip to Bhimbetka, a world heritage sight about 250km from Indore.
It isn't a particularly spectacular place, but I just HAD to get out of this campus! The extended weekend presented the perfect opportunity, and for once, I jumped at it.
This place is basically some rock formations and rock wall painting dating back about 9000 years to Mesolithic man. Most of there are hewn into solid rock by wind or water where, presumably, Mesolithic man lived, ate, drank, slept and hunted. As proof, all we have is wall paintings using 'geru' or natural orange/ochre paint, that is absorbed into the stone. This prevents the paintings from being erased by natural forces over time. The pictures mostly consist of cows, bulls, other random animals and hunting and party scenes.
The best part was that I got the first chance to unveil my new camera, the Canon SX10 IS. Had a field day taking photographs in every possible mode and situation. That was the highlight of the trip :-)
It isn't a particularly spectacular place, but I just HAD to get out of this campus! The extended weekend presented the perfect opportunity, and for once, I jumped at it.
This place is basically some rock formations and rock wall painting dating back about 9000 years to Mesolithic man. Most of there are hewn into solid rock by wind or water where, presumably, Mesolithic man lived, ate, drank, slept and hunted. As proof, all we have is wall paintings using 'geru' or natural orange/ochre paint, that is absorbed into the stone. This prevents the paintings from being erased by natural forces over time. The pictures mostly consist of cows, bulls, other random animals and hunting and party scenes.
The best part was that I got the first chance to unveil my new camera, the Canon SX10 IS. Had a field day taking photographs in every possible mode and situation. That was the highlight of the trip :-)
Thursday, January 22, 2009
An enviable death
This is touching statement I heard on TV the other day.
Some crappy news channel was interviewing slain ATS chief Hemant Karkare's widow, and she was talking about her husband. For a typical Indian lady, she appeared very composed. While descibing the incidents, she made a very poignant statement.
"People envy the life of big people... People envious of the life of Shah Rukh Khan (people envy the life lead by famous people like Shah Rukh Khan), but my husband's death is enviable".
Hemant Karkare is really blessed, and I envy him - in life and death.
Some crappy news channel was interviewing slain ATS chief Hemant Karkare's widow, and she was talking about her husband. For a typical Indian lady, she appeared very composed. While descibing the incidents, she made a very poignant statement.
"People envy the life of big people... People envious of the life of Shah Rukh Khan (people envy the life lead by famous people like Shah Rukh Khan), but my husband's death is enviable".
Hemant Karkare is really blessed, and I envy him - in life and death.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
It SUCKS to be undecided
"So, what are you planning on specializing in?", "So, what are you planning on doing?". In the last couple of days, somehow, I've been asked these question quite often. A majority of times, by myself.
And I don't know the answer!!!
There is this song that says:
"Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life...
the most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what
they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year
olds I know still don't."
It's really easy for people to say that it's cool to be undecided; Yeah RIGHT! They won't understand how hard it is to answer the above questions when every person you meet after a span of more then a month asks them to you. They will never understand how it feels like to stand in a group of people who are discussing industry trends and career paths, when the only thing going on in your mind is :"F*&%, these guys are GOOD!". They'll never understand how difficult it is to motivate yourself to do things like studies.
And most of all, they'll never understand, that when you are really low, when everything around you seems to be going horribly wrong, when you are doubting your own abilities, how almost IMPOSSIBLE it gets to explain your most mundane actions. It seems surreal, when your very existence becomes inexplicable.
And I don't know the answer!!!
There is this song that says:
"Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life...
the most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what
they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year
olds I know still don't."
It's really easy for people to say that it's cool to be undecided; Yeah RIGHT! They won't understand how hard it is to answer the above questions when every person you meet after a span of more then a month asks them to you. They will never understand how it feels like to stand in a group of people who are discussing industry trends and career paths, when the only thing going on in your mind is :"F*&%, these guys are GOOD!". They'll never understand how difficult it is to motivate yourself to do things like studies.
And most of all, they'll never understand, that when you are really low, when everything around you seems to be going horribly wrong, when you are doubting your own abilities, how almost IMPOSSIBLE it gets to explain your most mundane actions. It seems surreal, when your very existence becomes inexplicable.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
The deepening void with not a straw to cling
I realized what blindsided really means. There are some pent up emotions inside everyone (which, by the way, I feel girls are much better at releasing than guys), some feelings, thoughts, reflections, and all it needs is some trigger, often quite unrelated. And SNAP!
Something snaps, and the floodgates open, and all those reflections come running out. Blindsided.
I guess I am quite an expressive person. My expressions and emotions are always hidden. But some of my closest say that my eyes say a lot; sometimes give me away. I wonder what my face says at such occasions, because not all can notice it. My parents have never been able to decipher them, many of my close friends can't see it. Vivek saw it rather instantly today, so I was wondering what gave me away. Cause, well, I was really Blindsided!
It's not that hectic life here is getting to me, because trust me, I can handle and have handled worse situations all alone. It's just like what they say, "sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind... the race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself". I guess I took this far too seriously. And when you seem to lag in this ultimate race, even with yourself, thats when it strikes you that something is wrong, terribly wrong!
I won't go into what exactly got me upset. Actually there were too many things. An initiative I wanted to drive wasn't coming along, committee w is pressing, studies are in the doldrums, and many more. Details, maybe later.
But what got me most upset is that there is no one or nowhere I can vent all this out. What I meant before is that girls find it a lot easier than guys to express such feelings (Well, this may be a generalization, I'm not sure if I'm right). They talk to their girlfriends (and they all have at least one), and with whom they are absolutely free. They bare themselves to them, talk it over, and its over! But for us guys, and especially jerks like me, such relationships are few and far between.
I am finding it increasingly impossible to talk about my deepest feeling to absolutely anyone. Its not like I don't have close friends. My best friends can't comprehend my panic in such situations. I have spoken to them about these things many times, but they don't get it. I just come across as the neurotic guy who keeps cribbing about everything. There are very few who can even notice that there is something wrong, given my behavior, and even among those handful, hardly anyone can sympathize, let alone empathize with what I am going through this very moment. And that scares me. Am I becoming incapable of building a more-than-superficial relationship with anyone?
At such times, you need someone to talk to, someone to be with, someone to hold on to, and how much ever my pride might come in the way of admitting, someone to cling to, to hold on to for sanity. I don't have anyone like that. I just realized... that I really AM alone.
Something snaps, and the floodgates open, and all those reflections come running out. Blindsided.
I guess I am quite an expressive person. My expressions and emotions are always hidden. But some of my closest say that my eyes say a lot; sometimes give me away. I wonder what my face says at such occasions, because not all can notice it. My parents have never been able to decipher them, many of my close friends can't see it. Vivek saw it rather instantly today, so I was wondering what gave me away. Cause, well, I was really Blindsided!
It's not that hectic life here is getting to me, because trust me, I can handle and have handled worse situations all alone. It's just like what they say, "sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind... the race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself". I guess I took this far too seriously. And when you seem to lag in this ultimate race, even with yourself, thats when it strikes you that something is wrong, terribly wrong!
I won't go into what exactly got me upset. Actually there were too many things. An initiative I wanted to drive wasn't coming along, committee w is pressing, studies are in the doldrums, and many more. Details, maybe later.
But what got me most upset is that there is no one or nowhere I can vent all this out. What I meant before is that girls find it a lot easier than guys to express such feelings (Well, this may be a generalization, I'm not sure if I'm right). They talk to their girlfriends (and they all have at least one), and with whom they are absolutely free. They bare themselves to them, talk it over, and its over! But for us guys, and especially jerks like me, such relationships are few and far between.
I am finding it increasingly impossible to talk about my deepest feeling to absolutely anyone. Its not like I don't have close friends. My best friends can't comprehend my panic in such situations. I have spoken to them about these things many times, but they don't get it. I just come across as the neurotic guy who keeps cribbing about everything. There are very few who can even notice that there is something wrong, given my behavior, and even among those handful, hardly anyone can sympathize, let alone empathize with what I am going through this very moment. And that scares me. Am I becoming incapable of building a more-than-superficial relationship with anyone?
At such times, you need someone to talk to, someone to be with, someone to hold on to, and how much ever my pride might come in the way of admitting, someone to cling to, to hold on to for sanity. I don't have anyone like that. I just realized... that I really AM alone.
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